20/20 Hindsight
While most of us groan with the mention of 2 little numbers, 20…20, UGH, it is our family motto to always look for the silver lining or lessons presented in times of challenge. Yes, 2020 was hard, and I do not wish for us to EVER repeat it; however, there were some magical moments that came out of the darkness, and out of those magical moments, came some hard learned lessons for myself and our family. Maybe you can relate or benefit from my “hindsight observations.” Here are the most important lessons 2020 taught or reminded me about:
· “Free – Me Time” is So Important
· The Garden/ Nature Is Calling
· Art Heals
· Boundaries are Necessary
· Alone Time is Valuable
· We can be happy without filling every second with events and making ourselves constantly busy
· Fun is What Happens when you let go of expectations, and just set out to make memories with what you have or can do in the moment
“Free Time – Me Time – Self Care – Whatever You Want to Call It!”
First, I relearned how amazing personal time feels, and experienced the endless mental health and long-term benefits, once I had no other choice, but to enjoy it. After, so many years getting lost in being a doting mom, and sacrificing to build a family business, I completely forgot what it felt like to have “free time.” Time to truly think about what I wanted to do with it. I had no option to distract myself, and fill my free time with busy work, since the house can only be so clean, work was halted, and stores were closed or being avoided in the early days of the shutdowns.
The Garden/Nature Is Calling
Again, as our young parental, entrepreneurial lives were filled with so many responsibilities and the needs of others, we had taken a hiatus from our garden, for years. It either sat empty, or woefully neglected. Every spare minute we had was filled with customer service, packaging orders, conversations about our business or tending to our kiddos, so there was very little time for the garden. When we suddenly had nothing to stop us from returning to our abandoned garden dreams, we jumped back into our plans with both feet. Adding new flower beds, moving raised beds, reimagining our space, and tackling projects that had been put off for years. Suddenly our kiddos were more independent, and our business on hold. The physical labor, and time spent on something that promised a beautiful return on our investment, was so rewarding. It reminded us of our dreams that had been put on hold and allowed us to start thinking about the improvements we wanted to continue to make. It also forced us to be creative, using materials we had on hand to improve what we could, right then and there, instead of holding off for some unknown time in the future when a larger budget or more time would allow for a grander effort.
Art Heals
I painted for the first time in what felt like, forever! Painting, and being creative, in general, are escapes for me, places where I can safely pour out my emotions or meditate on life, but I hadn’t taken the time to do it in years! If you have the tinniest creative bone in your body, you will likely understand that one must feel some level of freedom to create. It is so hard to feel free to create when there are so many responsibilities weighing on your mind. Taking time out to be still, and creative feels like a luxury, but 2020 forced that time into my life. It reminded me that time for art, beauty & stillness is a luxury when you are looking at life from the perspective of mere survival. BUT, when you want to thrive, NOT SURVIVE, taking time for art, beauty, and stillness, is a necessity for our mental health! I promised myself that I would continue to consider it as a past time when free time presented itself, or better yet, I would carve out more time for creativity.
Boundaries are Necessary
When I started my in home/online boutique, the people pleaser in me completely took over, and that crazy lady was enabled by social media! If I received a message, a question or an order, I would drop everything, or worse yet, attempt to multi-task to answer the question or pull the order. I felt like I had to compete with amazon shipping times and would package orders at 1 AM the same day they were received and make post office runs, every single day. Tam would also help me pack orders, and make the post office runs, and just support my work, anyway possible at any time of day. Undivided attention was a myth in our house because we were always preoccupied with what we should be doing for the business.
The best example of how this affected my life and happiness involved a typical morning. I would wake up, and IMMEDIATELY check my phone for private messages, texts, and any comments in my social media related to the business. I would then, IMMEDIATELY respond to those messages. I would then become easily annoyed, frustrated, and exhausted when I was running behind schedule to get dressed and get the kiddos ready for school. If they needed my time and attention when I was in the middle of multitasking to respond to customers and make their breakfast, I would easily lose my patience. During the time away from the business, I was gifted with time to reflect on what was truly important, and to open my eyes to the stress I was causing in my own life. Since time and space were forced into my life, I realized how peaceful I felt, and that I could keep that feeling by setting reasonable boundaries for myself and my customers.
NOW, I put the kiddos first in the AM, prepping their lunches, breakfast, helping with their hair, etc. Then I make my own coffee and breakfast, and INTENTIALLY choose when to sit down and respond to messages. I have certain days for packing and shipping, and I no longer attempt to compete with Amazon when it comes to shipping out orders at all times of the day. There are many other boundaries that I have set, so that I can lead a full and complete life that will not lead to me resenting the time spent building a business. These boundaries carry over into our other professional goals, and personal time given to other causes and people in our lives.
Alone Time is Valuable
You can love your family, and still need alone time. In fact, that time alone recharges you, so that you can truly appreciate your time together. As a Stay-At-Home, Work-At-Home Mom, I was almost ALWAYS around someone since my first kiddo was born 10 years ago! Sure, I had the guilt-ridden alone trips to Target, and the grocery store, on lucky days. However, that time was not often, and it was very limited. It was also spent running errands for the family and thinking about how soon I should rush back. Then 2020 hit and I was around my hubby and kiddos ALL THE TIME. Then for a year and a half, my oldest was virtual learning, AT HOME, while my toddler was not yet in school. On one hand, I was lucky and blessed to have two happy and healthy kiddos, and to get to witness their learning and growth firsthand… ON THE OTHER HAND, it was TAXING to CONSTANTLY be around someone. Like, I was LITTERALLY NEVER ALONE! That is when quiet alone time in the garden became my savior, and it is also when I realized how it was necessary for my sanity to have some alone time. When my oldest returned to in-person school, and my little one started half day kindergarten, I had my first real taste of solitude in 9, ENTIRE YEARS. HOLY MOLY GUYS, that is when I TRULY realized how small moments alone felt so good! It was like I could finally think clearly again! There were entire hours where I didn’t have to multi-task, have my thoughts interrupted, break up an argument, teach, get snacks, etc. I felt like a PERSON AGAIN, not JUST A MOM, but A PERSON Who Is Also a Mom!
I think there are times and seasons for things, so I am not sure that I could have changed the 9 previous years, or if I needed to give all of myself to my kiddos, to eventually get some of myself back. BUT, IF YOU CAN, try to find some alone time where you just do something for yourself, and see how it feels. OR AT THE VERY LEAST KNOW that you will someday soon, get some time to yourself, and the early days will seem to have flown by.
We Can Be Happy Without Filling Every Second Of The Day
Our lives are so busy, and there are some obligations, that we really can’t escape, but there are ways that we can prioritize our free-time, family-time, and quiet-time. When we had ZERO social events on our calendar in 2020, there was a knee jerk resistance to everything being canceled. But, once we settled into a simpler schedule, the pros of the simple life became apparent. I no longer missed the endless trips to Target, I realized that I saved A LOT of money. I no longer missed the endless invitations to tons of birthday parties, bbq’s, etc. We had weekends free to explore creeks, and build our dream garden, time to use our imagination, and discover what adventures near by towns could provide. Obviously, I still love a mom trip to Target to snag some cute cloths for my kiddos, and we missed having celebrations with friends and family. However, I now see the benefit in choosing which events we truly want to give our precious time to, and I am no longer looking for an excuse to run off to Target, because I would much rather spend my time watching our chickens forage for bugs, playing with my girls outside, gardening, going for a walk, or creating something with a new project at home! I just needed a reminder of how joyous those simple things are, and to spend my time wisely!
Fun is What Happens When You Let Go of Expectations
I am definitely the girl who tries to plan every minute on a trip, so that we don’t miss out on one single adventure. While, that makes adventures packed full of fun, it can also be tiring, and filled with pressure for me, the planner, and my hubby, the driver. I tend to feel personally responsible for everyone’s good times & memories. There is a lot of pressure and stress wrapped up in making sure everyone has the most fun of their lives, making sure you don’t miss any activities, and filling up time with events. When we couldn’t travel too far from home, but we needed some sort of getaway, we planned mini trips to near by towns or states within driving distance. Since our time on these trips was limited with the demand of Tam’s job growing, many sights closed or operations limited, the pressure was off. I knew that I couldn’t control everything, nor experience everything on these trips, so we were grateful to JUST GET AWAY. We were happy to be out of the house, on an adventure, and spending time together. That freed us to see every little thing as a fun adventure, and it allowed me to free myself from the expectation of everything being perfect. Literally learning to roll with the punches.
Sometimes, we couldn’t get away, but we needed fun in our lives, so we found creative ways to make memories. We took our kiddos to every creek in nearby towns, swimming and playing the way we used to when we were kids. We made glow stick figures on our bodies and danced the night away; we made a carnival ride out of a baby wagon and our ridding lawn mower. All of these trips and stay home adventures will remain some of our favorite memories, forever. They most certainly weren’t planned, they weren’t perfect, there were very little expectations placed on what they would be like, we just made sure to be present and grateful. With hindsight, I realized that is all we needed to have fun!
Final Thoughts
I have continued to build on this reawakening in the last three years, and I feel like I FINALLY, TRULLY, understand what “they” mean when the proverbial “they” say: “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” I thought that I knew what that meant before, because it is obvious with a little common sense, but I didn’t realize HOW EMPTY my cup was getting until I let a few drops of “me time” trickle into the cup. It’s like thinking you aren’t that hungry, and then you smell something delicious, and suddenly your stomach is growling. Now I see how much I was missing, how empty and dried up I was getting, and how much more love, energy, time, and gratefulness, I have available to share with my family, all because I make sure to fill my cup unapologetically, almost, every single day!